so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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