It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
