corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
