this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We need to get me chipped asap
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
