you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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