Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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