Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
