come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
