I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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