Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
