Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
