I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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