my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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