Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
how does that bad decision feel?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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