I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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