I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
