I'm really into asian looking animals
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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