Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
