He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The uberlube is also flammable
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
