At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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