Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
