last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
