they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
