the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
