don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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