The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
