I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
