Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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