I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the day after is always just damage control
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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