He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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