i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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