Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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