i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
COCAINE IS GR8
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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