I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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