I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
