All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
