I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
