So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
