I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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