Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
