I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
