I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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