he looks like a really good dad on facebook
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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