the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
