Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
