4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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