it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
