If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
