apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
