We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
