She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
