No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
