The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
