apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
