you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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