guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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