the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
