So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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