I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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