I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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