oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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